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Column - The 5 strangest bits of online Fan Fiction starring Muse, My Chemical Romance, Justin Bieber & more

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Fandom has taken many shapes and forms: clubs, outfits, masks, make-up, even those TV shows were you try to look exactly like your favourite star... Yet nothing embodies the sheer love people have for artists better than creating a universe in which your favourites interact with you, or (worse), each other. If you search online for any reasonably successful artist, there's bound to be a story written about them.
These stories range from a couple of hopeful paragraphs to 100,000+ word epics.
As you might be able to guess fan fiction, or "fan fic", can get a little strange, mainly due to the level of devotion required to be bothered to write them in the first place.
With that in mind we present the five strangest bits of band-related fan fiction the web has to offer, and be warned, it's does tend to get weird indeed...

Artist: My Chemical Romance
Characters: Gerard Way, Mikey Way
Plot: Brothers Gerard and Mikey Way are home alone, with sexy results...
Head on over to My Chemical Fic and you will find a veritable treasure trove of peculiar incestuous fan fiction based around the pop punk band My Chemical Romance, brothers Mikey and Gerard Way at the centre of it.
This one sees them chilling out at home, acting normally, but gradually deteriorates into the two exchanging sweet nothings and getting intimate on the sofa.
If you think you can stomach this particular brand of randy prose then do click the link that follows, but be warned, it gets pretty blue (and will probably make you sick in your mouth a bit).
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Artist: Muse
Characters: Matt Bellamy, Dom Howard, Chris Wolstenholme
Plot: God-like Muse men appear in a girls wardrobe on Christmas Eve....
This story focusses on 15 year-old girl Beth who, even at that age, is still excited by the notion of Christmas that she almost trips over her dressing gown running upstairs to her room, presumably with a face smeared in advent chocolate and pie mince. After blaring Knights Of Cydonia and getting an angry knock from her mother, young Beth settles down. Grinch!
But wait, what's that? A bright white light begins to shine from her wardrobe and out steps Matt Bellamy, in a stylish number of "tattered white dungarees splattered with paint," followed by bandmates - Dom camply emerges with "his hands on his hips and a little smile". After a brief encounter, the transcendental Teignmouth trio disappear back into the wardrobe, never to be seen again.
Perhaps the strangest thing about this tale is not the rock-band-emerging-from-closet-shrouded-in-heavenly-light, rather the fact that young Beth knew what she was getting for Christmas, "an iPod Touch" among the gifts. Spoilt.
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Artist: 50 Cent
Characters: 50 Cent, Kanye West, Unnamed Music Producer
Plot: After fighting with both his producer and Kayne West, 50 is transported into his own video game called "50 Cent's Pimpin' Effect"...
"The studio was hot. And I'm not talking about temperature. I'm talking about the anger of 50 Cent." Curtis Jackson, AKA 50 Cent, is a man with a very short fuse, according to this novella posted on Fanfiction.net. In the opening paragraph of this violent story, it is revealed that Fiddy's producer has failed in getting his fur coats adequately dry cleaned, so as punishment is non-fatally bludgeoned with a diamond-encrusted staff, which he has dubbed Balltaser, with a bust of Tupac Shakur on top of it. Of course.
Not long after, a rather well-spoken Kanye West emerges out of nowhere, and manages to call 50's mother "copious" before they're both struck by lightning. West mysteriously disappears, but 50 is transported into popular deep space-set video game Mass Effect, contemplatively staring at a slowly rotating earth.
Why 50 Cent, his producer (whom, halfway through the story, has both his testicles destroys by the aforementioned Balltaser) and Kanye West were struck by a bolt and seemingly sent to different dimensional planes is a conundrum, one which the author doesn't really bother to dwell on, so why should you?
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Artist: Michael Jackson
Characters: Michael Jackson, Prince, Janet Jackson
Plot: Michael and Prince, brothers, are constantly bickering and fighting, and Janet Jackson needs to put a stop to it...
Who would ever have thought that a slapstick comedy involving Michael Jackson, Janet Jackson and Prince would exist, and more so, be as entertaining as Therapy, found on MJFiction.com, is?
Prince has seemingly lost his mind and is hitting golf balls inside the two's bedroom, even going as far as breaking Michael's framed picture of him in Russia: "You smashed... My framed photo I took in Russia... Now there is no proof!" exclaims the King Of Pop.
At this point Janet has to take control of the situation, and informs them that they have "An appointment with Mr Hill tomorrow morning. He's going to help you solve your bickering problems."
She then leaves the room, only to come back and, for some reason, lob tomatoes at the both of them.
There are too many good lines in this story (a favourite being "...My lava lamp from Canada... That tears it!") to put in this small round-up, but do follow the link below for more Laurel & Hardy-esque adventures of Michael Jackson and Prince.
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Artist: Justin Bieber
Characters: Justin Bieber and an old flame called Jamie Clareson
Plot: Justin Bieber's ex-girlfriend is hell-bent on revenge after he murders her brother in self defence...
Still under the umbrella of fan fiction and not sick, vitriolic fantasy, this is a pained tale of love, loss and revenge that matches that of Kill Bill... nearly. A poor, unsuspecting Justin Bieber is two years into a relationship with Jamie, but when her brother comes home drunk one night and attacks her she flees upstairs, returning to find Justin stood, broken nosed, over her brother lying dead on the floor in a pool of blood.
Desperate to exact revenge on Bieber, she attends the premiere of his film Never Say Never, and after being invited to the after party pulls a gun on the teen singer and blows him away.
Seamlessly flitting through past and present, Death At A Premier, like a lot of fan fiction, clearly has a only a limited connection with reality. But isn't that the whole point of fan fic?
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Joe Bishop @joe_bish

11:35 AM | 27/01/2012

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